My imaginary friend’s birthday

23rd March is my imaginary friend’s birthday. We don’t really get on that well, what with him not existing and all.

Me and a mate invented him in a pub several years ago for no real reason and then he ended up joining Facebook. He claims to be an artist though doesn’t seem to have any evidence (again down to the not existing) and never posts anything, never updates his status, never leaves witty comments on photos etc. But, without requesting any, he has 1,228 friends. I’ve got about 50. Though I’m not an artist. Or imaginary.

Today, 41 people have sent him a message. Including one in Spanish (I don’t know if he speaks it) and, “Happy birthday baby, have a great day, xxx”. Baby. xxx. They haven’t met. She doesn’t know him. They’ve never exchanged the smallest of greetings. He doesn’t exist.

My immediate thoughts here are that they’re just massive twats. But maybe I’m wrong, these are people from all over the world who have reached out the hand of friendship to someone they’ve never met. And despite the fact he does nothing to reciprocate they still take the time to wish him a happy birthday. Actually, it feels like maybe he’s the twat.

And not existing seems a pretty flimsy excuse for that kind of behaviour.