Most people assume the Romans killed Jesus. Some have theorised that a small group of high level Jewish conspirators were responsible, the so called ‘Crowd Whispers’ theory. However, recent improvements in police techniques have led one investigator to identify an alternative suspect. Peter White has revisited what we know of His life and the circumstances of His death and come up with a startling new theory.
According to White for early Christians both the Romans and Jewish leaders would have made easy scapegoats but sees this as being akin to blaming the bogeyman, stating “It’s akin to blaming the bogeyman.” Modern research suggests that most murders are committed by a close friend or family member. With this in mind, White has carefully examined what we know of His immediate circle to consider
As he says the real suspects are:
Peter – arguably benefitted the most from Jesus’ death, becoming head of family business and relocating the head office to Rome (which would seem an unusual choice had they actually been responsible).
Judas – understood to have been a police informant with an unrequited homosexual crush on ‘Our Lord and Saviour’™ which culminated in an awkward attempted kiss in the garden of Gethsemeny.
Mary Magdalene – a close friend of Jesus and known to have underworld connections, particularly in prostitution.
Joseph Davidson – Jesus’ ‘father’ who had begun to have doubts about His paternity having discovered that in reality storks have relatively little to do with conception no matter how clean.
Mary Davidson – Jesus’ mother who was under enormous pressure as a result of His insistence in going out in un-ironed robes which had led many in Nazereth and beyond to question why she let him go out dressed like that.
The meek – potentially with the most to gain as under the terms of His will, they stood to inherit the earth. It should be noted that this this version of the will had not been witnessed and was considered invalid meaning the Catholic church went on to keep the vast majority of His holdings. Indeed it was the threat of inheritance tax which lead them to relocate off-shore to the Vatican tax haven eastablished by new CEO Peter and Matthew the tax consultant (current rate of income tax in Vatican State – 0%)
Having identified the suspects and potential motives Peter White found himself at something of a deadend unsure how to proceed with the investigation. However, he then uncovered a piece of evidence that would ultimately lead to solving the mystery. He says, “I became fascinated with the method of death, it just didn’t seem to fit with a financial motive or underworld hit. But then I suddenly realised how simple it all was – the murder weapon was a bit of wood and some nails and it hit me, the carpenter! Joseph Davidson would have been to only person with ready access to these items.” As Mr White notes, the logic is irrefutable.
As with any new theory, not everyone immediately agrees. Critics have noted that White has no forensic training or expertise. However, he defends his position by stating that he has watched almost every episode of Midsomer Murders. Some detractors have brought even this into question on the basis that White repeatedly refers to the central character as ‘Bergerac’.
Whilst Peter White may not have the background of a seasoned criminal investigator his theory has been typed out neatly and published and therefore can be considered fact.
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