Giant Limahl hiding from Jareth during argument about who has the best hair.

psst... they're both the same

He-man figures with muffins for heads

I'm often asked which are the best He-man figures with muffins for heads. Well, it's not easy to pick a definite 'best' but here are a few good ones.

My imaginary friend’s birthday

23rd March is my imaginary friend’s birthday. We don’t really get on that well, what with him not existing and all.

Me and a mate invented him in a pub several years ago for no real reason and then he ended up joining Facebook. He claims to be an artist though doesn’t seem to have any evidence (again down to the not existing) and never posts anything, never updates his status, never leaves witty comments on photos etc. But, without requesting any, he has 1,228 friends. I’ve got about 50. Though I’m not an artist. Or imaginary.

Today, 41 people have sent him a message. Including one in Spanish (I don’t know if he speaks it) and, “Happy birthday baby, have a great day, xxx”. Baby. xxx. They haven’t met. She doesn’t know him. They’ve never exchanged the smallest of greetings. He doesn’t exist.

My immediate thoughts here are that they’re just massive twats. But maybe I’m wrong, these are people from all over the world who have reached out the hand of friendship to someone they’ve never met. And despite the fact he does nothing to reciprocate they still take the time to wish him a happy birthday. Actually, it feels like maybe he’s the twat.

And not existing seems a pretty flimsy excuse for that kind of behaviour.

EXCLUSIVE: ‘BBQ SUMMER’ PREDICTION GIVES ALL NEWS OUTLETS EXCUSE TO USE PICTURES OF WOMEN WEARING BIKINIS

I know what summer looks like. I don’t need the visual assistance. And anyway, it’s not much of a news story anyway – EXCLUSIVE: SUMMER WILL BE HOT.

I am quite a fan of scantily clad women and think there should be more of them but quite fancy a spot of honesty about it. Maybe there could just be a segment at the end of the news where a hot lass in her pants flashes up, or the photo on the front page of The Telegraph could just use the caption ‘look at those’ (yes, at least three times a week as it is they have a picture of a young woman with as tenuous as necessary a connection to a story).

Err, in fact, I think what I’m saying is: ‘Blimey, The Sun is the pinnacle of British journalism.’

Balls.

Forget I mentioned it.

Here’s a picture of me nude to take your mind off it.

Cooking with Magicians

I'm often asked for the best method of cooking David Blaine so I've pulled together three of my favourites ranging from the simple to something a little more adventurous.